Please Wait For Cashier Assistance: The New Wave of Supermarkets And Why They Don't Work
By Adam D. Miller

The massive supermarket with all its bells and whistles is a relatively new thing in Canada.  For years, we thought that a supermarket combining produce, butcher, and bakery was a big deal.  And then they started to make their own sushi in the supermarket too!  Little did anyone realize that things would get even more exciting a few years later.

So here were are in 2004.  I had seen self-scan check outs on my visits to the U.S., but now that they’re beginning to appear in Canada, I thought I would give them a try.  No one wants to wait in a long line with a 15-year old cashier at the end who is desperately searching for the bar code on a big bag of rice.  I could barely contain the excitement as I approached the self-scan for the first time.  I had three items, all with visible bar codes, so it seemed an easy enough task.  Unfortunately, the elderly woman in front of me lacked the technical skill needed to use anything remotely electronic but decided that it was worth learning with a large cart full of groceries (including produce, which must be entered in manually).  The excitement turned into frustration immediately.  I felt like Harvey Pekar in that scene in American Splendor where he is stuck behind the old woman trying to negotiate with the cashier and store manager about an in-store promotion.

By the time I got around to my turn, I felt like a fool for having been so impatient.  I realized that for a beginner, scanning the barcode with the self-scan was a bit of a challenge.  The angle had to be perfect, and unless you place your item in the bag, it doesn’t recognize your purchase.  I’ve gotten the hang of it since, though the system doesn’t like to believe me.  There have been at least a few occasions where I’ve scanned items properly and placed them into the bag, only to have the machine stop and tell me that I need cashier assistance.  If I need cashier assistance, then that woman in front of me a few months ago needed the help of the entire supermarket staff.

I have a theory about these self-scan machines and why customers who clearly don’t know what they are doing keep trying to use them.  Take the bakery, for instance.  The scrumptious pizza bread costs $1.15 a bun, while the plain roll costs a mere $0.40.  Do the math.  All that changes is the number you input into the self-scan computer.  Place it in the bag, and you’re as innocent as the person in the next self-scan, who is doing precisely the same thing, this time entering 0583 (Tomato, 99 cents), instead of 0577 (Dragon Fruit, $3.75). 

But let’s forget about the self-scan for a while.  These stores are huge.  Not only do they sell anything and everything you would ever want to eat or drink, but more or less any household supply you will ever need, as well as furniture and clothing!  Bear this in mind as we move into the dine-in area.  These new supermarkets are a great place to come for lunch, as they have a huge variety of prepared food: sushi, sandwiches, pizza, chicken, Chinese food, etc.  One day, I decided I felt like a vegetarian sandwich, so I went up to the counter and asked for one.  They proceeded to tell me that they had run out, and that the only remaining choices were the three bland-looking sandwiches that appeared under the glass below.  Now, maybe I’m just being naïve, but how does a store that sells mass quantities of vegetables, cheese, and bread run out of sandwiches that they make themselves.  I would have been perfectly willing to wait the extra five minutes for something fresh.  I most certainly didn’t want one of the remaining ham and cheese sandwiches that they made at the beginning of their shift.  I opted for sushi instead.

I went upstairs with my sushi to sit down and eat, and noticed a vending machine in the vicinity.  I attempted to push each individual button, only to be notified that the machine was sold out of every soda variety.  Again, in a store that sells soda, is this really acceptable?

The end of the fuse came with my attempt to dispose of my trash after lunch.  All available waste baskets were overflowing.  Not only did this make for a nauseating lunch environment, but in a store that sells garbage bags…!  You get my point.

So at this point, I don’t know what I think.  I love the variety that these massive superstores provide.  No matter what I am cooking, I know I can find all the ingredients, from the popular to the more obscure.  But they’re obnoxious.  So as much as these new supermarkets are great, I think I will always prefer the simple grocer.  It may not have the variety, but it doesn’t announce to the world that I, Adam D. Miller, am in need of cashier assistance.

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