Zombies.
The Living Undead.
Biting. Clawing. Eating Human Flesh.
Running. Shooting. Destroying the Brain.
Civil Unrest. Mass Hysteria.
Anarchy.

Zombies are mindless. Devoid of personality, motives or plan of any kind. Their only desire is to feed on living flesh, making us one of them. And I love zombies. They will try to eat me alive until my body rises to eat others. So why are these things my favourite movie monsters?

Anyone who considers themselves a friend of mine knows that zombies are a lifelong obsession. And it seems the world’s starting to agree with us zombie freaks. Recently we’ve seen 28 Days Later, a Dawn of the Dead remake, Resident Evil: Nemesis, Shaun of the Dead... and Romero’s Land of the Dead is in production. Look at the filmmaking geniuses that have explored the genre: Sam Raimi, Danny Boyle, Peter Jackson. . . So what’s the appeal of these flesh eating fuckers?

I will move beyond a fundamental appeal, namely the curiosity to vicariously experience gore, violent murder and death. That and the desire to have the life scared out of you.

First off, why have the dead decided to bother us?

The films propose many possible causes: government nerve gas, fallen satellites, signals from space, ancient demon rites, rabid plague monkeys. . . some in Dawn of the Dead see the zombie epidemic as a biblical judgment day: when hell is full the dead shall walk the earth. We’ve been naughty, done gone filled up hell, and this is our punishment; existence as emotionless, mindless, rotten corpses that kill our neighbours. For me, the best reason for the sudden zombie outbreak is no reason: the freshly dead simply rise to feed on the living. And that’s that.

Zombies provide a possible answer to the seemingly unanswerable question: “So little Johnny, you wonder what might happen to you when you die? Well, see that bloody, pasty-faced thing stumbling towards you? That could be your near future!” You can see death! You can’t be in denial about your tentative hold on life, not when you’re literally running away from it. You turn the corner and close your eyes for only a moment, always knowing that death incarnate is still stalking you, and will never, ever, stop. The things follow you. And they’re everywhere.

The dead force us to confront death. This is almost a relief (almost). Being forced to physically struggle with our deepest fears is freeing. Especially in a day when we’re taught to be scared of nearly everything, scared of terrorists bombing the shit out of us, and even more fearful of the president next door. In a zombie-run world, every one of us can take a stand, take action, take full responsibility for our own life.

And how are you, you cross walking, apologizing, leg shaving sap, how are you going to respond in this situation? Hide in your bathroom and cry for Mummy? Or grab that machete and vent some pent up aggression? It’s well known that a zombie apocalypse has the potential to bring the best and worst out of everyone. Now that society has crumbled, you can do whatever you want. Will you hole up with your loved ones, or will you run for the hills? Will you listen to Ben and help board up that window, or will you try to grab his rifle?

More than anything, it could be this post-apocalyptic world I find most fascinating. Taking pride in all my youthful morbidity, I think I may actually enjoy living in a world of zombies (that is, if I survive the initial outbreak). A state of social anarchy where we’re freed to fully appreciate our existence. Strip away all the meaningless junk in our lives and live for the intimate connections with those around us. Realize the boredom of living our current zombified ‘mall’ world.

As horror film theorist Robin Wood remarks, the living undead are an unquestionable “return of the repressed.” For a zombie, proper ethics and manners are pretty much shit out the window. If you encounter one of the undead, there’s a good chance that it’ll skip dinner and immediately try to penetrate you. And eat you. Afterwards, you’ll feel a little peckish yourself.

I’m fascinated by zombies, but that doesn’t mean they make good company. If trapped inside a house, there may be hundreds of gruesome homicidal maniacs groaning, moaning and clawing just below your window. You can’t reason with them because they won’t listen. Even if that legless one used to be your brother Tom. You must kill him. You must pick up a bat and kill him. Again. Unless you can knock him down and start running.

Which raises the question: would the living undead move fast or slow? (Fast in Return of the Living Dead as well as the Dawn remake, and slow in Night of the Living Dead, Shaun of the Dead). Fast zombies are certainly more terrifying since you can’t just run away. You can bet you’ll tire before them. Slow zombies are more logical (yes I said logical, quiet, you’ve indulged me this far). I imagine dead flesh would be rather inflexible. And lumbering dead things simply has a greater morbid graveyard-style charm. And when you can run past these slow and stupid things, options for survival in the apocalyptic world can be more creative -- beyond being unquestioningly trapped whenever you close the door.

I’ve only scratched the surface. I highly recommend everyone see Shaun of the Dead. It’s smart and fucking hilarious. It’s easily my favourite zombie film outside of the holy Romero quadrology. Until I create my own zombie epic of course. On that subject, if anyone out there also suffers from a severe zombie obsession... write me and we can compare our preparations for the day of the dead.

Next month’s editorial: would zombies eat any human flesh or only brains?

Aaron will see any zombie movie, but here are his dozen favourites:
(in chronological order)

Night of the Living Dead (Romero, 1968)
“They keep coming back in a bloodthirsty lust for HUMAN FLESH!...”

Dawn of the Dead (Romero, 1978)
“When there's no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth.”

The Evil Dead (Raimi, 1981)
“The Ultimate Experience In Grueling Terror”

Day of the Dead (Romero, 1985)
“The darkest day of horror the world has ever known.”

Return of the Living Dead (O’Bannon, 1985)
“They're Back From The Grave and Ready To Party!”

The Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn (Raimi, 1987)
“Kiss Your Nerves Good-Bye!”

Night of the Living Dead, remake (Savini, 1990)
“There IS a fate worse than death”

Cemetery Man (Soavi, 1994)

28 Days Later... (Boyle, 2002)
“Day 1: Exposure - Day 3: Infection - Day 8: Epidemic - Day 20: Evacuation - Day 28: Devastation”

Undead (Spierig bros, 2003)
“Prepare Yourself”

Dawn of the Dead, remake (Snyder, 2004)

Shaun of the Dead (Wright, 2004)
“Bought coffee. Called Mom. Dodged zombies.”

Comments? Click here to let us know what you think.