Couch Festival
When Christmas Gets Weird
By Jennifer Hearne

Eggnog is cheap, mercifully, and so are tickets to this month's Couch Festival.

Not only is it the season of giving, 'tis the season of the sick call - that wonderful time of year when you are most likely to be parked in front of the tube, cold, in a rotten mood and desperately in need of your own Couch Festival.  Besides, holiday films are like gifts:  with so much crap coming down the chimney, you're lucky if you can find one or two things you really like.  My gift to you this season is When Christmas Gets Weird, a small but elite selection of eclectic holiday films that are guaranteed to keep on giving.

Topping the list is a curl-up-in-front-of-the-fireplace classic, BELL BOOK AND CANDLE.  Kim Novak is smoldering as Gillian Holroyd, a beatnik witch who wants Jimmy Stewart for Christmas.  Things get weird when Jack Lemmon and Elsa Lanchester mix things up as her magical, dysfunctional family.  If you only have time for one film this winter, this is the favorite.  Look to BELL, BOOK AND CANDLE for everything: glamour, comedy, legendary talent and enough style to make it the perfect background flick at parties or dinners.  This is the chic Jimmy Stewart holiday film (not that other one).

Next, things don't just get weird; they get highbrow and heavy in THE DEAD.  Notable as the last film John Huston directed, this poignant tale based on the James Joyce short story offers one of the most picture perfect holiday settings in film history.  But don't be lulled into a false sense of security - Anjelica Huston as Greta is going to make Christmas Day morbidly memorable, not merry.

THE DEAD takes a holiday and makes it harrowing, but THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS takes a kidnapping and makes it whimsical: winter gets weird for poor Santa, when he is whisked away from his workshop by Halloweentown's Jack Skellington, whose noble but misguided attempt to literally bring Christmas home goes awry.

Topping the "warm, but weird" list is A VERY BRADY CHRISTMAS.  Albeit ridiculous, this affectionate film is just right for a cold, wet day when sitting in your jammies with cookies, cocoa, and a check-out film is all you can deal with.  Try not to laugh and cry when former architect Mike Brady gets trapped in a building he designed and Carol and clan sing to save him. 

Next, Christmas gets really weird for three ordinary guys in THE FAMILY MAN, SCROOGED and THE REF.  Things get complicated for FAMILY MAN, Jack Campbell, when he gets a glimpse (just a glimpse!) of his life in an alternate universe. The plot is clichéd, but St. Nick Cage saves this Christmas flick by giving Jack Campbell an infectious arrogance and charm that elevates the otherwise tired premise.  If you want the pat happy ending, this film won't give it to you and that's why I heartily recommend it.

In SCROOGED, Bill Murray delivers a fresh take on the old Ebenezer Scrooge story.  As Francis Xavier Cross, Murray gives us the best of his trademark humor and humanity. There are too many wonderful moments in SCROOGED to recount here. But if you need one funny film to keep you jolly, this film, as the soundtrack states, will "put a little love in your heart." 

Probably intended as a vehicle for Denis Leary, THE REF is memorable for two great performances by Kevin Spacey and Judy Davis as a bickering couple who need to be taken hostage to finally learn to communicate with one another.  For this dysfunctional family, Christmas is truly a time for revelation.

Another witch makes her chilly entrance in THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE (1988 BBC version).  In this classic tale by C.S. Lewis, we meet the
gorgeous but destructive white witch who has made it "always winter but never Christmas."  The special effects are dated at best, but for those of us who love the Narnia series, this first installment stays true to the book and makes this entry totally weird but car-wreck watchable.

For the absolutely cheerless, MISERY, FARGO and THE SHINING need no introductions as they promise to deliver all the snow you can handle with none of the
festive trimmings.  These films make it always winter but never Christmas. 

Finally, THE TROUBLE WITH ANGELS barely makes the cut, but I include it as an honorable mention.  This oft overlooked treasure pits Haley Mills as Mary Clancy, a rebellious orphan, against magnificent Mother Superior, Rosalind Russell, in a quest to see who will rule the St. Francis School for Girls.  While not a holiday film per se, the religious overtones and pure heartedness of this film make it fine family fare.  The heated exchange between Mary and Mother Superior at the senior citizen's home make for one of the most memorable Christmas moments in film history.  THE TROUBLE WITH ANGELS is more wholesome than weird; in fact, so endearing is this classic that the only weird thing is its inclusion on this list.

So there you have it, all the fixings for a fine, frolicking Couch Festival.  This season, may you avoid films that are boring and trite, may your cinema IQ be bright, and may your couch keep you warm day and night. 

Coming up in January: Not sure you can keep your New Year's Resolutions? Relax.  After meeting Chicks Who Need A Lot Of Therapy, you'll feel unbelievably sane by comparison.

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