I Buried Rowlf
by Adam M. Anklewicz

You may think you know who Rowlf is, but do you really know? You may think that Rowlf is a jazz pianist. You may think that Rowlf is fluent in two languages, English and Dog.  You may think that Rowlf is part of the comedy/musical/drama troupe known as The Muppets. You’re wrong, because unfortunately Rowlf is dead.

Many people will think that I just mean that Jim Henson is dead. Yes, Henson died in 1990, roughly around the same time as the death of Rowlf. However, Rowlf has been replaced with an impostor while Henson was only succeeded by his less talented son.

In Muppet Treasure Island, Mad Monty sings, “I love to hang 'em high and watch their little feet try / to walk in the air while their faces turn blue.”  It sounds funny until you realise that this is a clue to the death of Rowlf.  The song also includes the lyric sung by Statler and Waldorf “Should have took a train.” That warning unfortunately came too late for Rowlf, who travelling between New York and Los Angeles by plane. The plane lost power and the passengers had to jump.  Rowlf unfortunately opened his parachute too early and it was caught on the plane. He did not survive. When the plane crashed, it crashed into a house. It fell like a brick into a house, and that’s why The Muppets covered “Brick House” during the opening to Muppets From Space.

Rowlf has only been in one scene in each Muppet movie since his death in 1990. Unfortunately, Henson’s production company thought that rather than mourning the death of a Muppet they would instead hide the death from the public and replace him with a look-a-like. That is why Rowlf has very rarely had a lot of time on camera in their movies over the past two decades.

Finally, the absolute proof that yes, Rowlf is dead: On the cover of Abbey Road, Paul McCartney is not wearing any shoes.  For this reason, it is obvious that yes, Rowlf is dead.

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